Way Leads On To Way

About not being against things—and a request for donations ❤️

"I'm not interested in creating messages against something."

— Kenya Hara, Designing Design. 2006.

Walking in Vershire, VT

For many years I have tried to think and live by the words above. As a pessimist, it has been a hard, long journey. But I think I am finally getting the hang of it.

Yesterday I stopped at a bakery in Burlington, and at the front was a typical guy serving coffee and taking orders. I walked up and ordered something, tipped 20% as usual, and stepped away. Something about him seemed a little down, a little depressed maybe, so I gave him a faint smile. He smiled back.

Throughout the rest of the morning, his spirits seemed buoyed. He was smiling at more people, and of course, as usual, people smiled back. It reminded me that being kind matters.

I think I have stopped showing much kindness to people I encounter in the world. I used to strike up conversation at the register more. But maybe all the masks and plastic barriers got me out of the habit. Kindness towards strangers is something I am definitely for. It's one of the things I think matters to do. So I'm going to try smiling and asking questions more often, to people that I might never see again.

That time yesterday also reminded me: that just because I got used to something, doesn't mean it's a good thing to have gotten used to.

Last week I was talking with Anna about life in general, and money, making a living, and all those things. I said "If I could be paid to write what I write, in the amount I write it, in the way I write it, I'd be happy doing that for a long time." But, I have always struggled with the idea that my writing doesn't do much for people. And I think this is because for many years, I took a bad approach.

You see, deep inside of me, despite trying to live with those words by Kenya Hara in mind, I was always against something. And even if I wasn't writing about that directly, I think people could see it. They could sense a kind of heaviness in my writing, a deep loneliness—which was a true feeling. But it wasn't a feeling that felt great to read about all the time.

These days, my life is about the same, my past unrolling as always—but my perspective has changed. I would have chosen this change a long time ago, but there was a block there, and I couldn't make the choice. In other words, it has been a process to be able to live without always being against something.

It's not that defining what I am against is a useless way to live. I just see that it's somewhat futile in actually being of service.

If your garden is full of weeds and all you do is pull them, without ever considering the source of the weeds, or another way to deter them, you'll be exhausted, in pain, hate gardening. And you’ll never have time to do more interesting things in the garden. A life lived in pursuit of being against something seems about the same.

Maybe because of this, it seems all of you subscribers have begun to like what I write about a lot more. And in turn it has made me feel better about what I write. You could say: a step off a trail slightly to one side can change the whole view. Or, how way leads on to way.

In any case I feel like I finally have something I feel proud about offering. Just because I don't feel like I'm burdening people much with what I write about, which is nice. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, as there are enough goddamned burdens in this world (believe, me, I've investigated most of them).

This has got me thinking, maybe I could actually get paid a little to write. I spend at least 20 hours a week writing stuff, most of which never is published. But, if I got paid no matter what I wrote, or how much I wrote, just through donations basically, maybe it would be nice.

Once in a while, people do donate, and there is someone who very consistently donates each month. But maybe, if I offer more writing, or the opportunity for kindness, people might find the kindness inside them to donate more.

Even though I'm pretty resilient, and used to living simply, having a couple dollars here and there for groceries and gas money does end up mattering. It also makes me feel like what I write about matters a little more. So click the button below if you feel like it.

I can't guarantee I'll ever write another word. But I think I will. And with support, I can spend more time writing.

I want it to stay the case that I am writing for certain things, rather than against others. I think this is the only way forward for someone who is naturally negative, overly aware, sensitive, open hearted, and critical—someone like me.