Same Body, Same Earth

Apples from a wild tree at an abandoned military fort

Yesterday, I found myself thinking about what progress means, which is a hard question to answer.

I think it came to mind, because I have been meditating more consistently, and have found myself back at the most basic practice. That means focusing on my breath as it goes in and out. All the way in, and all the way out.

For someone who majored in Buddhism in college, and has been to retreats and done sesshins, as well as practiced some of the more secret types of tantras (literally, secret practices), returning to the breath seems almost like a joke. I remember a previous teacher of mine even degrading it, because a teacher of his degraded it. "Oh, after ten years, you're still focusing on your breath?"

Well, I'm actually a pretty simple minded person, and I don't understand complicated ideas or practices. I've always liked a simple life actually, with just a few things to do, that I can do more or less with my whole heart. So it resonates with me to do simple practices.

It turns out that the breath feels fluid, when it enters and exits the body. It's interesting how it feels to follow it all the way into my lungs. In some way it's endlessly amazing. But maybe that's just me.

Something that is fluid, though, has nearly infinite dimensions. And breathing itself, if I really connect to it, like I am right now—not only does the sensation have many dimensions, but there are so many connecting points with it, with the world outside, with what the air is made of, with wind, with temperature, with the the tissues in my body, and on and on... it turns out that following the breath is an infinite practice.

It is strange to return to a practice I thought I'd mastered a long time ago, just to find out that it's not true. In my experience, there is no mastery, no moving on from profound things. There's only a moving away and a return. Just like breathing.

So after all these years, maybe it seems like I should be practicing more complicated techniques. But I realized today that I have the same body I had 15 years ago, and I live on the same earth. So I'm not sure how much I can progress beyond that at the moment. I still have the same needs, emotions. I still have to eat and sleep and have friendships, and purpose.

So for now, when I start to wonder about progress and if I've made any, I have a couple words I can say to myself:

Same body, Same earth.