Happy New Year Card
It must have been late July or so when I talked to my friend Martin about how our years had been going. We both commiserated on how we had seemingly opted in for the existential crisis hard breakup difficult times version of 2023—when so many people we knew had apparently chosen the glee-filled beauty and fun times forever option.
I don’t think I’ll ever be sure why life takes the turns it does—at least, not while within them. It seems my own existence will forever remain coherent in retrospect.
But what I have found this year is a reconnecting with my essential humanity. I was driving on i5 when it hit me. I saw the leaves of the cottonwoods fluttering in a south wind, surrounded by all the things in the world that I hate—massive infrastructure, traffic, pollution, urban sprawl, the no-mans-land that extends for hundreds of yards along every major interstate—and yet, I looked at the people in all the vehicles around me and felt something other than negativity. I just felt a sense of love and deep connection with everyone. Since then, and in repeated moments, that feeling has grown stronger and stronger. The strange part is, I can’t even really say why. Maybe I have passed, accidentally, some kind of threshold.
I have come over years to value friendship and community along with my need for silence and solitude. For many years, though, I didn’t feel that I was part of the human race. I just felt set apart. But in recent times, without wishing for it, I have felt that I am just like anyone else, really. In some way, this simple feeling is transcendent.
Maybe my re-entry into that feeling was caused by the hardship of this year. Hardship, descent, and pain are inevitabilities that no one wants to go through. And yet, the only way forward for me has always involved some measure of pain and difficulty. Some old codger, I can’t quite recall who, wrote “Anything worth doing ends up being a hassle.”
Maybe it’s because I’ve finally decided on a strong path for myself, which is to be a doctor. To, the best of my abilities, diagnose and treat disease.
So what is disease? My definition extends beyond foreign entities entering the body, or internal disorders caused by genetics and lifestyle. I think disease is actually a teacher. It’s one of those factors that may cause us to descend into ourselves, into the more difficult realms of existence that are, inevitably, a part of our daily life. And that’s never to say it’s easy, or welcome. What I intend to understand and cultivate is a theory of health, and to have that, I have to also understand disease.
It’s in this place of exploration that I want to focus my abilities. I was born with a sense of deep care for all. If you know me, you might have noticed. I’m not sure why that is, but since I’m headed to school in the fall for Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, I am excited to see how far I can take that part of myself.
I hope all of you find worthwhile hassles this year, as well as health and vitality. Thank you for your support.
All my love,
— Hudson
I was so glad to read this!