Alone & Together

I have spent a lot of time alone lately.

I've traced the veins in the backs of my hands. I've followed them with my eyes and fingertips.

I've watched the light change, sitting in one place for hours. I've sat on the porch behind the big house I cook and wash in, staring at the field, the swallows, at the mountains, at the forests.

It has felt different, this alone time. It has felt in some ways more like being together. Together with myself.

If I could give everyone a gift, it would be this feeling I have been experiencing, of being absolutely, and completely comfortable with myself, on my own, together and alone.

It feels safe, and also a little boring. It can be lonely at times. But I want to be respondent toward this, rather than reactive. I don't want to fill a space because its empty. I want to explore that space. Why is it there? What does it really feel like? What shape is it?

Maybe a lot of activity is just to keep from having to sit with myself, and my thoughts.

I've had this feeling before, and it has been years since I lost track of it. That makes me feel a little sad.

I'm sure this feeling will pass. My life will change again, soon actually. I'll be moving, and have a whole other set of things to occupy my time with.

For now I want to remember this feeling. The feeling of not needing to do anything. Of being home again with myself.

I hope everyone can feel this way.